never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
