I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
