Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm too high and old for this...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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