He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
