I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize