Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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