I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
