I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
