Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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