its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
