I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
