if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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