So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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