You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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