remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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