That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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