Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize