So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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