i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize