I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
