you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am one with the molecules
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
