Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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