so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
