yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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