I wish I could teleport
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
