it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
