good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
