There is no way he is gay with that hair.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
