dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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