remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize