So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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