I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
