in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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