Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize