I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
