Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
