Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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