I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
