Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
