in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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