my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
