it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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