So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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