I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
