Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize