You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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