Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
