Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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