Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
