Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
