Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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