I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
