I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
