dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
