last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
