My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
