I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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