My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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