you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
