i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't put those talents on a resume
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
