Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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