umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
