shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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