Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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