shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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